You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
