A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
