I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
