seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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