i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
