no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
