You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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