They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
