they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
