I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
