i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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