quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need a beard to bite.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
