I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
