Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
