Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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