This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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