dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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