am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
