i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
