Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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