I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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