i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm like, not good at living.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
