Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
