tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
