I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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