Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
