she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
