she woke up with a sticky ear
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
