his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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