I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
