k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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