she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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