Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
