We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
