Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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