He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
