Kiss
Puke
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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