Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
