fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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