don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im part way to drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.