my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
