this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"