HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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