FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself