Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(755): View more from

How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?

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(755): How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad? http://tfl.nu/39qf

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(949): View more from California

I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.

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(949): I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me. http://tfl.nu/kgtm

Replies (19) Good night (617) Bad night (2231)
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(949): View more from California

mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.

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(949): mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday. http://tfl.nu/tvnz

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(727): View more from Florida

And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..

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(727): And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%.. http://tfl.nu/d4bk

Replies (14) Good night (2002) Bad night (3675)
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(916): View more from California

I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"

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(916): I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences" http://tfl.nu/bi6b

Replies (16) Good night (4902) Bad night (1484)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car

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(201): It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car http://tfl.nu/2v39

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(207): View more from Maine

There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

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(207): There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/nr8v

Replies (12) Good night (2973) Bad night (1408)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch

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(269): I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch http://tfl.nu/4tdt

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(703): View more from Virginia

Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

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(703): Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down... http://tfl.nu/5zyg

Replies (6) Good night (2426) Bad night (605)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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(570): I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club. http://tfl.nu/5u2s

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(218): View more from Minnesota

At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?

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(218): At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me? http://tfl.nu/x27k

Replies (3) Good night (1093) Bad night (481)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.

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(318): I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case. http://tfl.nu/3tdp

Replies (11) Good night (1765) Bad night (458)
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(248): View more from Michigan

okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.

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(248): okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for. http://tfl.nu/81ty

Replies (0) Good night (667) Bad night (265)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.

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(614): I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun. http://tfl.nu/8d32

Replies (0) Good night (360) Bad night (226)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.

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(215): I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking. http://tfl.nu/36vi

Replies (4) Good night (273) Bad night (632)

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