Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel