You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
3 2 1 whiskey
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
