I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
