capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
