I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
