new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
