Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I party with great urgency now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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