His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
