I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
