so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
