I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
