The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
