I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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