4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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