so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
