So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
