I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
