And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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