Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
