I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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