I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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