The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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