Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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