i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
