I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
