Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
