I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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