you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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