herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This baby is an asshole
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize