No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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