I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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