my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
