I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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