he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Less talking, more tequila
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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