Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
