I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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