my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
