Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
