If i come over, it means nothing
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
