And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
