Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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