So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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