dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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