redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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