and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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