her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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