So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
