I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
